Life Laughs: The Naked Truth about Motherhood, Marriage, and Moving On by McCarthy Jenny

Author:McCarthy, Jenny [McCarthy, Jenny]
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: Penguin Group
Published: 2007-03-26T16:00:00+00:00

My worst fear is having a problem down yonder and not knowing it’s even there until my man’s head pops up from below with a look of confusion. Frankly, I think they’re brave for going down there on a good day.

So if you wake up with that not-so-fresh feeling, throw on a white flowing dress and find the nearest grassy field to run through. It seems to work for those women on TV.

Stop Checking Out My Man, Bitch!

Even when I was a little blond bird in eighth grade, my twelve-year-old boyfriend would get jealous if I put on my Maybelline clear lip gloss. It didn’t even have a tint of color in it, yet jealousy poured through his veins and he begged me to take it off. Relationships that followed seemed to repeat this pattern of jealousy. Why do some men get jealous when their own woman looks sexy? I don’t get it. There are some assholes out there who might tell their wife she needs to lose a few extra pounds, and when the wifey does shed the weight and starts wearing flattering clothes, the man then loses his mind, calling her a tease. We can’t win.

It’s human nature to want to protect the things that are “ours,” but it crosses a line when it comes to getting jealous over a miniskirt. I wish men would start to realize that women don’t dress for other men. When we get dressed up to go out, you can be sure that every woman is ramming through her closet, trying to figure out what the other women are going to be dressed like. Our husbands need to know that we don’t care about turning on Snausages. All we want is to be hip showing off the new blouse we just got at the mall. And hoping no one else has it.

On the flip side, we women have our own color of jealousy that runs through our veins. The most obvious example is when our man looks at other women when we are with him. I’ve become more amused by it, but when I was pregnant with some pretty low self-esteem, it would kill me. It would actually drive me to tears. I’ve come to realize that men will ALWAYS look at other women. It’s inevitable. Sometimes they’re not even pretty. It just takes a skirt and a pair of heels. Walking past construction sites is a perfect example—anything with boobs will be gawked and cooed at.

So mild jealousy happens with most of us. When it gets out of control, I think it’s because there is an underlying lack of trust. Trust is crucial in any solid relationship. If you don’t have it in marriage, I highly suggest reevaluating yours. The hard part about that word is that there is no action that revolves around it. Trust is simply something you have to put in your heart and hope for the best.

We can trust our husbands all we want, but most women still don’t truly know what the hell goes on at those goddamned bachelor parties in Vegas.

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